government by the fault free for the fault free

By default, a constitutional, absolute monarchy is absolutely fault- free, unless royally decreed otherwise. So, a gentle public service reminder to fellow commoners of this faultfreeocracy: Next time you want to open your mouth to complain about key thing or turn your accusatory finger at key person, you better double lock your facts first. Chances are (at a regal 98.4%) that the fault may lie right at your doorstep (if you have one), or in your indoor wiring, or in your own brain wiring. This doesn’t lock you out of your constitutional right to complain (within agreed low decibels), only cordon you off from unnecessary embarrassment, not to mention a defendant dock at courtly places.

So when the Inherently Elevated, Ma3ali Minister of Electricity says that the source of your melt and swelter power-cut home is your neighbor’s extra room for his newly wed son, then this is a fact to switch by. A dimmed fact is that all new electrical installations to mega projects in Diplomatic Area, Juffair and Seef, each with load requirement exceeding entire villages, are express-approved by the Minister personally and /or the Undersecretary.

And when the Happily Elevated, Sa3adat Minister of Labour says that your productivity is a third of your European co-worker, he is being charitable rather than normally candid. His productivity of nations tables indicate that your colleague’s productivity, and hence salary, is almost 7 times as such. If you are a special case of a Danish Bahraini (person not company), your productivity and hence salary expectation should multiply by M= (3e+b)/ (e+b), where e is no. of years lived in Europe, b is no. of years in Bahrain, lived or otherwise. It goes without saying that it is impeccable statements like these by a former member of the opposition that strategically extend the tenor of any less than strategic minister.

At a slightly lower strategic level, when Her Happily Elevated, Sa3adat Minister of Social Affairs, says that Bahrainis are lazy bunch who prefer to be unemployed than take tough challenging jobs, she is damn sure of her facts. For years now, female graduates of Social Work at U of B (from the wrong noble sect) have been refusing productive opportunities in air-conditioned textile sweatshops paying wholesome BD 90 in favour of their impossible day dream of lazy jobs at her sect-set Ministry.

Back to higher levels, certainly the spokesman for the Naturally Elevated Minister of Interior is on the right side of the law when he declares that a broken neck, savage beating or a lost eye to a rubber bullet are unfortunate but normal consequences for participating in illegal rallies. The law surly does not protect the foolish, let alone the faulty variety.

Now, if I left you with the impression that this is the faultless ruling over the wholly faulty, I apologize. High authority has long recognized this imbalance and has been doing its utmost best to rectify it, by virtue importing an impeccably faultless variety. And here you can expect impeccably spotless treatment. Not only are our new citizenries’ necks sound and safe, their utmost privacy is also guaranteed. MP Sheikh Hassan Sultan would only be allowed a brief fleeting moment with extracts of a list of their names, and only in a closed room in the presence of the Ministry of Interior’s next of kin, Sheikh Abdul Rahman Al-Muawdah. The Minister assured us –perhaps inadvertently- that all, repeat all, newly naturalized citizens have homes and jobs, and so are no burden on the economy. (Apparently security payroll is not considered public purse). How is that for a faultless record?

The summery executive summary? Buy a generator.